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"I asked, "You've seen him several times. He seems OK for you?" I don't have a big crush on him, but I enjoy his company and we talk easily. Don't want to wait any longer to find out if we can do intimate things together."Carol teased, "She's trying him out to see if he can, uh, measure up." Carol! Have some respect." She paused, then, "I'm not sure I'll know how to act. I haven't been with another man since before I was married."Carol said, "You've been practicing with Derrick and I'm sure Mike will lead you into the same ecstasy." Derrick made me promise to get the contraceptive shot last month. Glad I did, although, I may have to switch to the pill later." I wanted you to be safe from me. Since he is new, maybe you could use condoms the first time out. I will get you some, just in case." I haven't asked about condoms since I was in college. How do I bring it up?"Carol replied, "The school nurse says to be firm. Something like, 'We don't know each other, I'd feel better if you used. 6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.What can I do?Signed, DesperateThe response (that came weeks later out of the blue):Dear Desperate,First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system.
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